Thoughts

So I’m Getting Married…

According to the internet, my thoughts should be surrounded by wedding colors, white dresses, cake designs, center pieces, and menial decor. My mind can’t find any reason to peruse these things. My determination to plan a wedding is slim to none. I want everything or nothing or something? I love it all. I want the big wedding, the personal elopement, the destination, the small ceremony, the winter wonderland, the summer service, the formal reception, and the backyard barbecue.

My mind can’t seem to focus on what I truly want. Whenever I think about a big wedding I can’t help but roam to the idea of an exotic elopement. Always the moderate, I brainstorm the idea of a small destination wedding upon the destination becomes even a bigger decision.

I think: the budget, the decorations, the refreshments, the hassle are only there if I want them to be.Β 

I create scenarios. I dream of experiences. However, I can’t quite pinpoint my exact yearnings…

Trying to avoid the gazes of my friend and family, I walkΒ down an aisle in a beautiful windowed space just as the summer sun sets.

Or,

I stare into Ryan’s eyes while we whisper casual words of love to seal our vows on our secret wedding elopement, secluded in a foreign land.

Or,

I feel the wind whip my dress as I walk barefoot toward my groom on our small beach ceremony.

Or,

My long sleeved lace gown compliments the snowflakes falling outside our ceremony in a Colorado cottage.

Or,

I wear a white crop top and heels as we pronounce our ‘I dos’ before we spend another sleepless night in Las Vegas.

Or,

The autumn sun sets as the reception grows tipsy on Shiner beer in the west Texas lodge as I reminisce on Ryan and I’s first camping trip.

Or,

My girls and I mimic forest nymphs in flower crowns, light lace, and messy hair as we wait for the outdoor woodland ceremony to begin.

Or,

The glistening of the pond catches my eye as Ryan speaks his vows at the lodge in Vermont off the Appalachian Trail, the thru-hike where we learned to love and understand each other.

Or,

I wear a white sundress and hiking shoes as we hike to a summit at sunrise and perform a yoga wedding ceremony, guests welcome.

I love all these ideas. I know I can truly celebrate my love for Ryan anywhere and anyway. For so much of our lives we are trapped into an ideal. This is not ‘me’ because society says this is not ‘me.’ Whatever makes you happy is you. I feel comfortable with all my wedding fantasies Β because I am comfortable with what makes me happy and how others’ perceive my happiness. I am lucky enough to be marrying a person so willing to go along with any crazy plan.

The love for him is what this is all about anyway.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “So I’m Getting Married…

  1. First, best wishes on your engagement. I came over here because you followed me (something about my “mom blog” struck a chord) and your blog is filled with all of these beautiful photos. And take it from the woman who married the same man three times over (courthouse, American garden, Indian 5 day thing) you will figure it out and if you stay true to yourself it will be exactly what you two want.

    Namaste,
    M&B

    • Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. It’s hard sometimes because I have a very loving but opinionated family (dont we all?) that lives in a different state. I think a long engagement is in order to truly decide what I want. Thanks for the support. And you are right, I need to stay true to myself!

  2. The reoccurring info in each of those wedding venues are you and your fiancee. Narrow venue choice to three (each chose 3 w/o other input) and then decide together. Marriage is about both compromise and putting the other first, so making this decision together will help you both learn “how to”.

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